This morning I woke up early again with grand designs (illusions) to head out and take more pictures of wildlife in the early morning. As well intended as I might have been, when my alarm struck at 4:00, I made the snap judgement to simply go back to bed. Fast forward 3’ish hours and I found myself awake again laying next to the love of my life. It was fun to just lay silently next to her and admire her features and serenity.
And then fast forward a bit more. I’m in the throes of my day, kicking buttocks and taking names (so far as tech support allows). During a lull, I check in with some common blogs that I follow to find the Tech Profile of Moose Peterson. Normally I don’t pay any mind to these but in this case, I knew Moose’s name as a photographer, so I read in a bit… Turns out that he describes his perfect day as “shooting, shooting, shooting with my wife beside me”… How applicable to how I feel about my wife. I could desire nothing more than having her at my side for all of my antics, even if she’s just there as an observer and not a participant.
But, then fast forward a bit more. Later in the afternoon, I peruse some status updates on everyone’s favorite social network… One of the videos gaining some viral traction is one named “Dan Savage on The Price of Admission“. Again, normally, I wouldn’t think twice about such a post but the repeat postings, and my need for a distraction called me to press play. It turns out that Dan Savage is talking about Long Term Relationships. Perfect! Watch it yourself:
How fitting that I’d cross that particular video in the midst of posting this blog entry. I think he hits the nail on the head: committed relationships require believing the best of your partner, and being willing to accept and even cover up any flaws they may have. It’s about protecting the image that we keep of our spouse, and growing our love and passion and commitment towards one another. It’s not about minimizing the list of reasons to separate, it’s more about maximizing the library of reasons and experiences used to validate exactly why you are in the relationship in the first place.
Heather and I have had various conversations about how each could possibly handle the ridiculousness of the other (my analytical nature is no gentle partner in our duo) and yet we constantly reply with a “you think you’re bad, what about what you have to put up with in me!” And I think that’s right in line with what Dan is talking about: we choose to favor the other person; we choose to see each other as the perfect being that we first fell in love with; we choose to engage in this mutually beneficial “lie” as he describes it.
After all, we’re in love and committed to growing our relationship through compounding efforts. I can’t think of anything more appealing than being full of years and fond memories of our experiences in this life together.
I hope you enjoyed the video and are sure to remember the reasons why you are in the relationship in the first place rather than the few things that irritate.
‘Till next time,